Should you snoop on your husband?

Every week  I see these lists about what wives should be doing to keep their man interested in them, in their marriage. I also see the running joke that some women post with regards to keeping tabs on “their man”.  I can’t tell who is kidding and who is being dead serious but what I do know is that I find nothing funny about being in a relationship where any kind of snooping is the norm. My main reason for not snooping on my husband is simple: I don’t feel that it’s my responsibility to ensure his fidelity.  Being in a relationship is a choice and I trust that when we chose each other he was as serious about us as I am.

Of course if one suspects something is going on then by all means do whatever you have to do. Life is too short to be surprised with the clap, or herpes, or something much, much worse! When we talk about infidelity I often see people blaming the victim. She was a bitch, frigid, too fat, didn’t cook enough, didn’t dress the part etc. I am sure we’ve all heard something along these lines. Now, I am not saying that some people don’t sabotage their own marriages/relationships but the action of straying is one that I believe is done deliberately. Long term relationships with a person who is NOT your significant other take work. It takes work to sneak around, lie, cover your tracks etc. Basically, it’s a lot of effort to engage in something that is not worth the hurt it will cause.

I am not an expert on marriage, but I am an expert on MY marriage. I trust my husband. Some may find that naive. All men are trash after all. And yes, they certainly can be but snooping is a sign of mistrust and that is no way to live. My husband and I do not share Facebook accounts, the only passwords we share are ones to our online banking, and we don’t go through each others phones. Could we? Yes, we could. I don’t have my phone locked with a password, and my laptop is always signed into my email accounts and other social media. We trust that neither of us has anything to hide and that neither of us will snoop around.

My husband and I are two separate entities. We feel united as one but we still have our own space. I think that’s important, healthy and necessary. I should be able to vent to my friends about things, share stories and basically say whatever I want in private. Privacy is still essential within a marriage. Privacy is different from secrets. If you have you hide it you shouldn’t be doing it. That is my motto.

As for keeping him interested, well, firstly he needs to want to. I shouldn’t be having to convince him everyday that he picked the right peach. I am interested in him, in his day, in his thoughts and in his feelings and let him know as much. I try to be the best me I can be, but you guessed it, I am not perfect. I can have a quick temper and I can be callous. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns around here but what’s important is that we try. Everyday, we try.

Something that we’ve gotten into the habit of doing is sharing our favorite part of the day. I’ve also noticed that we thank each other for little things that seem inconsequential but aren’t. That feeling of gratitude is such a nice way to end the day. It doesn’t happen everyday mind you. I don’t want to give the wrong impression here. We do things that work but we also do things that don’t work. Most of the time we are happy and I think that’s what matters.

So, should you snoop on your husband? Unless he’s given you reason to my answer is no.

What about you, how do you feel about snooping?


Five tips for a happy home

I am not an expert on other families but I am an expert on my family. Here are a few things that I believe make ours a happy one (most of the time).

  1. Start each morning with a sunny disposition. I wouldn’t say that I am a morning person but I am not a grump either. When you smile you feel better, so start your day with a smile on your face. When I go into Diego’s room each morning I greet him with a smile and a buenos dias. His day is starting off, too, and I want it to start off on a happy note.  As soon as I set him down he runs into our bedroom in search of his Daddy. This little morning routine feels powerful because we start our day together. This has changed a little in the last couple of weeks as Diego has been sleeping later and so he doesn’t always wake up in time to see my husband off.
  2. Show affection. I have noticed that Diego loves to see my husband and I hug and kiss. It just makes his little face light up. It makes me feel good, too. It’s so easy to shower your child with affection. Everyday I am cuddling and kissing Diego and it melts my heart when he hugs  or kisses me back. It’s equally important to be affectionate towards your significant other.
  3. Be grateful. Each night before going to bed I go into Diego’s room to check on him. A soft hand on his back to feel the reassuring rise and fall as he breathes and a readjustment of his blanket always puts me in a contemplative mood. This quiet moment always makes me feel a deep sense of gratitude. It’s not enough to be grateful, it’s also important to express it. Little things like having my husband thank me for doing the laundry, making dinner, or vacuuming the floor makes a big difference. He does this often and it makes me feel so good. Likewise I make sure to thank him for everything that he does for us. It’s nice to hear that we are appreciated.
  4. Little gestures. Any relationship can benefit from little gestures that show our love. This past week my husband hid little post it notes around the kitchen for me to find. That was such a fun little treat. It’s not an everyday thing but it’s so meaningful when he does this. I sometimes sneak notes in his pocket, car, or coffee mug. What we do everyday is check in with a quick text and in the rare occasion a video call.
  5. Communicate about everything. Finances, vacations, the latest gossip- all of these topics are things that should be talked about, just to name a few. I think it brings us closer to talk about the minutia of our lives. For more than eight hours a day my husband and I are not together. When he gets home he always wants to know what Diego and I got up to. I tell him with the aid of pictures and video. We then move on to work, what needs to be done around the house, and what is on the DVR.

I’ll be sure to come back to this post when I’m having a bad day. These five things are ones that I strive for every day but sometimes I fall short. On the days that I do, I dust myself off, apologize if I need to, and try again the next day.