Hard times

I am at a point in my sleep deprived state where I am too tired to function. I do get some sleep every day but it’s interrupted and unsatisfying. We are doing the best we can with Diego but nothing we do seems to help. The other night he slept for four and a half hours before waking up. That was an improvement over the regular every two hour schedule he had been keeping. Keeping his bedtime routine the same does not seem to ensure a repeat performance. When he wakes up in the middle of the night he immediately sits up and sometimes he even stands. He has thus far refused to put himself back into a laying down position. 

Today I put him down for a nap and as soon as his body touched the mattress inside his crib he woke up screaming. I tried to soothe him back to sleep but he sat up and proceeded to stand. For almost an hour he alternated between crying and sitting up and staring. He never once made to go back to sleep. I was in the room ignoring him part of the time, I left the room for some of the time and felt like a bad parent the entire time. Letting him cry only makes things worse. He did not tire and honestly I cannot imagine doing this for any period of time during the night. I am much too tired to attempt it. 

Another problem I have personally is that even though Diego wakes up and goes right back to sleep as soon as he’s had his bottle I remain wide awake and unable to summon the special train to the Land of Nod. My husband on the other hand has no problem waking up numerous times during the night and falling right back asleep. Sometimes he doesn’t even remember doing any of it. I could kill him. Out of sheer envy of course. 

So I’m not working out, not writing my blog as often as I wanted to and not sleeping. I feel very impatient sometimes and am prone to pity parties where I curse our geographical location. I need to remind myself that this is temporary. There is an end date somewhere, I wish I knew when this would get better but just knowing that it will has to be enough for now. I also remind myself that my health and fitness goals do not have a timeline. Nobody is expecting me to look a certain way except for me. Now with a trip home looming I am even more disappointed at my lack of physical activity. 

My family will judge my appearance. It’s what happens when most have not seen you in over five years. Also, my family is known for making slights against a person for not being thin. Just remembering all the crap I’ve taken over my life makes me question whether going back is even a good idea. This is my lack of sleep talking. I am excited to see my parents, to sleep in my old bed and how crazy will it be to see MY baby amongst the things I lived in so many years ago when the idea of marriage and pregnancy were all but foreign to me. 

There is so much I am looking forward to. The first is sleep. I plan to spend my birthday sleeping haha. Give me eight hours wrapped in a bow and I will be the happiest person on Earth. I also can’t wait to eat certain things. I don’t know how I will fit in all of my culinary wishes into a few days but I am not averse to stuffing my face. It’s a vacation after all. 

Well, this blog took an odd turn but I feel a lot better having put this out there.