In the light of morning

Everything looks better in the right light. Even nights of poor, interrupted sleep look better in the morning. Morning always seems so full of promise and potential to me. No matter how rough of a night we had I always have hope that tonight will be different. That tonight Diego will sleep for longer and that I will be able to sleep better. 

I’ve made it no secret that I am sleep deprived. It’s a combination of many things. I think the anticipation of knowing that Diego will wake up during the night but not knowing when prevents me from falling asleep. 

Diego’s sleep schedule has progressively worsened. There was a period where he was sleeping five to six hours straight before he would wake up for a feeding. He would then sleep for another three to four followed perhaps by an additional two. Now he sleeps for about four hours before waking up. He then becomes restless and can’t be put back in his crib without a serious fight and multiple bouts of crying. We have taken to bringing him into our bed after his first waking. He doesn’t sleep any better with us but it’s easier to comfort him while I am laying down. 

It was never my intention to have him sleep with us. This is something that happened because it turns out that it’s what works for us. There are many theories regarding sleep and sleep training for babies. A lot of them advise against co-sleeping and promote some type of cry-it-out. Ferberizing your baby is nothing short of cruel to me. At four and six months old a baby is not ready to soothe himself to sleep. There are some that can but I know that Diego was and is not ready for that. 

Given the fact that I do not work I don’t find it necessary to force Diego into a schedule that makes both of us miserable. The few times I have let him cry for a few minutes in the desperate and vain hope that he will fall asleep I end up as distraught as him. So for now we do what works best and allows the three of us to rest as peacefully as possible while Diego outgrows whatever this is that is causing his poor sleep. 

Is this attachment parenting? I have no idea what I would call it. I don’t subscribe to anything that’s formulaic in nature. Babies are individuals and no one book or theory is going to fit his needs. Families are all different and require different things. While it’s wonderful that so many resources exist I will continue to use common sense and trial and error as my guides. I’m knitting together my own formula. 

Here are a few pictures from yesterday morning. Having him wake up happy makes me feel less tired.